Due to Jack Bauer, no one looks forward to the weekend anymore, they look forward to the weekend being over, and watching 24 on Monday.
If everyone on “24” followed Jack Bauer’s instructions, it would be called “12”.
When someone asks him how his day is going, Jack replies, “Previously, on 24…”
Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
Don’t beg Jack Bauer to shoot you. He will simply shoot your wife. No man tells Jack Bauer what to do.
Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.
Killing Jack Bauer doesn’t make him dead. It just makes him angry.
Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
During the commercials, Jack Bauer calls the CSI detectives and solves their crimes.
When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.
Jack Bauer can get McDonald’s breakfast after 10:30.
The Black Eyed Peas were just The Peas until Jack Bauer heard their music.
Jack Bauer doesn’t speak any foreign languages, but he can make any foreigner speak English in a matter of minutes.
On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down “Violence” as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with Violence.
Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better fucking do it.
Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
When Google can’t find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
Jack Bauer teaches a course at Harvard entitled: “Time Management: Making the Most Out Of Each Day.”
Sun Tzu once wrote, “If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Jack Bauer, you’re fucking dead.”
Jack would never have given up the wet list… no one takes potential kills away from Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer once killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.
Quentin Tarantino was asked to direct a biography about Jack Bauer. He passed. It was too violent.
Tony was once shot in the neck, rushed to the hospital, underwent emergency surgery and was back on the job in just a few hours. Jack Bauer still can’t believe that pussy went to the hospital first.
If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.
You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.
All men are created equal. They are all vastly inferior to Jack Bauer.
Finding Nemo would have been vastly more exciting had Jack Bauer been looking for him.
Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg.
Jack Bauer has been to Mars. Thats why theres no life on Mars.
Comments from long ago:
Comment from: a zit on bauer’s ass
hahah.. very funny.. lol
Comment from: Demiurge
I love it ! :-)
Comment from: Manuel
A propos de Jack Bauer on va bientôt le voir au cinéma… enfin presque : http://blog.ledebugger.com/index.php/2006/03/03/17-jack-bauer-au-cinema
Comment from: pinch
Comment from: Pyogazel
C’est à se torre de rire!
Comment from: Joachim
hahaha that sound good to me!!
Comment from: Janey
Jack Bauer doesn’t wear a watch he decides what time it is.
Comment from: James W. Maier
Jack Bauer went to the virgin islands, then they were just the islands!!!
Comment from: Bob
When the boogey man goes to sleep, he checks if Jack Bauer is under his bed.
Comment from: Meg
It should be, “Next to blowing themselves up, Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death to Middle easterners… Jack doesn’t just get the men, he takes out the women too.”
Comment from: Alex
Jack Bauer once had an arm wrestiling match with Superman, the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside.
Comment from: Kira
Jack bauer has the mind of a criminal, he keeps it in a jar on his desk!
Comment from: tom
The 2007 budget for the US Military covers Jack Bauer, two pistols and four billion rounds of ammunition
Comment from: me
Jack Buaer never wet his bed. the bed wet itself out of fear.
Comment from: me
If you were killed by Jack Bauer your garve would readRIP, ripped into pieces.
Comment from: Bob
Jack Bauer gave James Bond his liscense to kill!
Comment from: jck baure
Jack baure’s the reason wheres wolly’s hidding
Comment from: dick nipple
guns dont kill people jack bauer kills people
Comment from: ertwert
jack bauer chucked norris
Comment from: JB
Jack Bauer breaks the eggs and eats the shells. Coz he likes it raw.
Comment from: gioia
yeah…this jokes are really cool!!!luv them :)
Comment from: Big Nige
Jack Bauer sleeps with the light on coz the dark is scared of him!!!!
Comment from: Big Nige
The grass is greener on the other side. Not if Jack Bauer has been there. It’s covered in blood, tears and spent 9mm casings.
Comment from: sam ropper
When Jack Bauer uses the machines at a gym…. the machines get a workout!
Comment from: Konga
Jack Bauer finished terrorism in schools by making every kid in a suspected school eat their morning careal
Comment from: Me…
Osama Binladen’s recent proposal fora truce is a direct result of him find out that Jack Bauer , is infact, still alive.
When Jack Bauer calls for back-up, he isn’t requesting more men, he’s telling you to back the fuck up.
The “Smoothie” was invented after Jack Bauer needed information from a banana.
“You don’t know Jack” is a blessing amongst terrorists.
Comment from: Duke Lad
When Goooooooooooooooogle cant find something,it asks Jack Bauer for help
Comment from: Tony Almeda
Jack Bauer can teach an old dog new tricks AND make an omelette without breaking any eggs!!
Comment from: jb
JB can divide by zero!
Comment from: alex
Jack Bauer’s birth initiated the cold war: The U.S. had Jack Bauer, and all Russia had were nuclear weapons
Comment from: Bauer’s son
Jack Bauer once slammed shut a revolving door
Comment from: lukel1127
Kiefer Sutherland doesn’t play Jack Baurer, Jack plays Kiefer Sutherland.
Jack Baurer once went to a Burger King and got a Big Mac
Chuck Norris can count to infinity and back. While Chuck Norris was doing this Jack Bauer saved the world. Twice.
Comment from: DocBMG50
You can’t get blood out of a stone… unless you’re Jack Bauer
Comment from: gary
Jack Bauer is so fast he can round around the world and punch himself in the back of the head. Jack Bauer doesn’t read books, he stares them down untill he gets the info he wants. :)
Comment from: joel
when jack bauer looked at onions he made them cry (made it myself)
Comment from: Bee
Dont dare say NO,when jack bauer says YES
Comment from: Drama girl
Jack Bauer is not afraid of the boogeyman, he is afraid of jack Bauer…